The actual Oracle OpenWorld opening keynote

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Gerald Kanapathy's Blog | November 12, 2007  11:49 PM | Comments (1)

Ah, Quinton. You thought you went to the OracleWorld (OpenWorld, whatever dude) opening keynote, but you it seems like you mistakenly assumed that it started on Monday, on a business day during business hours. Nope. In fact, the first keynote took place Sunday night. I saw no other keynotes nor do I expect to, but I'm going to tell you that the Sunday keynote rocked the socks and gloves completely off any of the rest of them. (Unless KITT, the car from Knight Rider, shows up unannounced. Then that one would rock a little bit more.)

Yes, I went to that keynote, because:

• It was free.
• I was already a couple of blocks away in the Union Square shopping district, observing consumer spending behavior and making early estimates of seasonal retail demand. (Also, I needed to buy shoes. I can't shop for those online.)
• Larry Ellison was speaking, and he is going to be  might become is trying to become my new boss. Oh, right, I'm supposed to pretend that everyone isn't thinking that. Bite me.

If you want more detail and can stand to install RealPlayer (or Real Alternative), you can get the full show here, or an mp3 of the audio from the same place. You can probably find some reportage like this around the internet too. Here's my summary:

1. Holy crap, this is a big room. My God, it's full of chairs!
2. That thing where everyone the audience holds up a colored piece of paper found under their seats, so that a long shot spelled out something. (I don't know what. Probably something like "Oracle r001z!!!") They took a picture of it. Whoopee. Reminding everyone present that they are mere pixels in Oracle's HDTV.
3. Opening Sunday Night Live skit, where fake Larry Ellison (okay, ex-Saturday Night Live guy Darrell Hammond, the SNL Bill Clinton) ran through a bunch of flashcards and said whatever came to his mind. Highlights:
   PeopleSoft, Siebel, etc: "Got it", "Got it", etc.
   Google (or maybe it was IBM): "Not yet"
   Microsoft: "Don't even want it"
   Nimitz-class aircraft carrier: "Own one"
   Mount Rushmore: "I would look good up there"
4. Larry Ellison dedicates the night to his co-founder, Bob Miner, who died 13 years ago.
5. Larry tells some cute anecdotes about Oracle's founding and early life as a small amateurish company.
6. Larry rambles on for an hour as the anecdotes get tedious and boring and not nearly as cute. Also, Larry has a goofy laugh.
7. SNL people do some lame CIA security skit.
8. Safra Katz, the CFO and President (I thought Charles Phillips was President) says something I can't remember. I think mostly she was MCing.
9. Someone whose name I didn't catch (Hey I'm not paid for this.) talks about Oracle's community and charitable involvement. Videos about it. Nice
10. SNL people do a skit about "fictional" Oracle acquisition target "Bee-Yee-Hale". Oh, yes they did. Highlights:
    "Take off the stupid gas mask. They never use tear gas in the first offer."
    "I hear they have a great gym!"
11. Some Oracle band plays. They were not terrible at first. Then they started singing, and they were terrible. The only lyrics that mattered were: "Oracle! Always...Rocks!" Which entirely sucked.
12. Some videos from old-time Oraclers telling anecdotes that would have been cute if Larry hadn't worn them out earlier.
13. I left and went to dinner. My free pass didn't let me into the party/reception/disco, so I bolted to another part of town to avoid the crowds and traffic. Besides, I reckon that food prepared for 30,000 isn't likely to be very good.
14. Apparently they kept going and did a Weekend Update style bit at the end, but I missed it because it was a big room and the sound took several minutes to reach my end of the auditorium. I just now listened to the mp3. It's only mildly funny, except that Kevin Nealon (a former SNL Weekend Update anchor) told a fake news story about a mysterious ticking package delivered to Larry's doorstep from Alfred Chuang. Which wouldn't have been that funny, except that he mispronounced Alfred's last name. Which isn't that funny, unless you know how to pronounce Alfred's last name.

Was it better than staying home and watching TV? It doesn't matter. I have a DVR.

Comments

• Yep I was aware that the conference start over the weekend but thanks for pointing out that Larry and SNL actually held the esteemed spot for the opening keynote.
  Oh and in sake of fairness the conference is actually called Oracle OpenWorld :)

  Posted by: quinton_wall on November 13, 2007 at 11:01 AM